just survived the first fart of the relationship.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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