I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
