I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
