Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
