roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
