Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
