Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No I am not eating basil off your cock
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
