Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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