Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
