i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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