some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
