My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
