why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
