It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
