Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
