I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize