pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
