oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
