if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
God, I missed his penis.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
