Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
