omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
