as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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