I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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