if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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