she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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