One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
