How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
