I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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