one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
