Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i came on her dog
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
