I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
