I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
