you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
