tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
