When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
