you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
