I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
