I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
