Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
