and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
