i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
