That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
