I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
