Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
