i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
