you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
