she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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