We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
