Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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