a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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