That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
