You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
