My sheets look like a crime scene.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize