that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
