Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
