I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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