just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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