ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
