shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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