he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
