How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
