I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
