I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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