just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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