Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize