Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
