16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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