so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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